Unsure

Have you ever felt the need to write shit down, that at the time it makes sense but really never ever makes sense. You just want to write and be heard and to think that someone is actually listening to you, but really they are just reading but are they really hearing you.

I have so much to say but cannot. I need to be myself but what is that really. Is being myself running around being super mum, because I really like to think I am. Is being myself being the one that goes to work, that the job you have isn't enough and apply for everything but get nowhere, is being myself. Is supporting everyone around you in what they truly love and what they are happy doing fulfilling their lifelong dream, being myself?

Is being myself writing every 12 months in a blog just to think that maybe what I have to say is trashy enough to end up on Mama Mia?..

So I guess it's kinda clear that I'm a little lost in my life direction. I'm forever on the roundabout of justifiability and patience that never pays off. I'm lost in the fact that though I'm an awesome mum and kick arse fiancée that I wAnna be great in what I want to do, but I don't know what I want to do. I'm so super proud of my boys and the men they are becoming. I'm super proud of my fiancée and the life he wants for us, but I'm just not proud of myself.